


Promise

by LFW10



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFW10/pseuds/LFW10





	1. Chapter 1

You get the text from her saying that she will be passing through town for a night and would love to see you. You have read texts like these before but each one brings the same emotional struggle. You think about all the pain splattered tear drops that are soaked into your pillow case from before. You think about the last time she texted you and how you promised you would not do this to yourself anymore. You coached yourself over the last month since you’ve seen her, determined to be strong enough to say no, but you’ll still text her saying you would love to see her too. You break your promise like she has broken all of hers, the empty promises that have seeped their way into your heart, wrapping it, squeezing it, letting them tighten the hold that leaves you wounded.

You fidget at the train station where she asks you to pick her up, you have been waiting a half an hour running through wishes that things will be different, that she will be different. You see her step off of the train, her hair still long, brown, and flowing easily down her shoulders. She runs a hand through her hair searching the area for you but you remain frozen because the beauty that radiates from her is breathtaking and moving would ruin the hopeful ideas running wildly in your head. She spots you just like she always does, you think back to all the times she’s told you that no matter what she will always find you, your heart aches for her.

She walks up to you with that smile that’s etched its way into your memories while you lay awake in the dark at night. She wraps her arms firmly around you like you are the surest thing in the world to her. She kisses your neck before asking you how you have been and how she has meant to get a hold of you but work keeps her busy. You tell her you understand even though you know it’s a lie because she is here and that’s all that matters. 

She holds your hand in the car as you weave in and out of the streets, her thumb rubbing circles as she tells you all about her time on the West Coast. She squeezes your hand absentmindedly making you remember why you don’t mind listening to her talk about her life that doesn’t have you in it. You let yourself become comfortable with her because the only time you feel safe is with her. You tell her about your days, leaving out the parts where you break down missing her or all the hours you spend thinking about what she is doing. You don’t tell her about the scars she’s left you with because seeing her happy is the only thing that matters to you.

You spend the afternoon walking the streets, showing her everything that you find beautiful, or all the places you love. She wraps her arm around you, pulling you close, telling you she isn’t use to the fall weather on the East Coast. She says you’re the only thing that can keep her warm and you’re smiling on the inside because she makes you feel special. You fall back into the regular routine of being with each other because it has always been easy for you. Her laughter fills you, it swells inside of you like a wave forming, rolling in towards the shore, and you think to yourself that it’s your favorite sound. 

You take her to a little café telling her why it’s your favorite and she listens happily because she loves hearing you describe things your passionate about. She lets your order her food because she says she trusts you and you want to believe that she wouldn’t let anyone else do this for her. You sit in the back so you can have privacy; she reaches over the table for your hand telling you how happy she is to be here with you. She loves her dinner, smiling into the taste of the ingredients that take over her taste buds. You think about how normal this is, sitting with her, watching her eat, telling her stories, being with her. She pays for you telling you that you deserve to be treated properly and you ignore the dark thoughts wanting to break through. 

You go home to shower and get ready to go out with your friends, you tap your knee nervously as you sit on the couch waiting for her to finish getting dressed. She comes out to stand in front of you in a tight black dress, her hair wavy, shining in the light of your apartment. You admire the way her dress accentuates certain curves that you know all too well by now. You tell her she looks absolutely beautiful and she averts her gaze blushing slightly. She kisses you on the cheek telling you that you look great even though you’re wearing a plaid button up and a beanie with glasses on. She tells you that you look very chic and that it fits you well. 

You enter the bar with her as all eyes turn to her and you don’t mind because you’re use to people’s reactions by now. Your friends greet her openly, hugging her, and telling her how much they have heard about her. She smiles, squeezing your hand gently, as she tells them how happy she is to be here and meet them. They instantly fall in love with her because it’s easy to love her. She orders you a beer knowing exactly what you like and you drink more then you should allowing your blood to drown in alcohol as an excuse to let tonight happen. You spend the night watching her interact with everyone, her hand always touching you, always keeping you close, protecting you. 

You dance to the music playing in the bar with her because you know she loves to dance. She guides your hands around her waist as she leads you through the music. You laugh together to each song that plays as you move to the rhythm enjoying the fact that you get to hold her. You become enthralled in her embrace as she plays with the hair on the back of your neck as she pushes closer into you. Her blue eyes lock with yours and you can’t remember ever seeing anything so blue. You make sure to remember every different shade of blues that make up the exquisite color of her eyes. 

You both say goodnight to your friends and decline their offers to give you a ride home because she says she wants to enjoy the night air with you. You walk holding hands down the blocks to your apartment. She turns standing in front of you, pulling your hand along, her eyes are dark and her smile dangerous, and you know then what is going to happen. She asks you if you’ve missed her and all you can do is nod because you’re spellbound by that look. She laughs lightly into the night knowing the effect she has on you. She tells you to take her home. You don’t tell her that she is home to you because you know her home is somewhere else. 

You open the door to your apartment, feeling apprehensive goose bumps fill your arms. She gives you that look again as she walks towards you. You breathe in deep, as her hand slides along your cheek, resting there. You turn your head to kiss the palm of her hand because you miss this contact with her. She wraps her other hand around your neck pulling you in, her lips press tenderly against yours. It only takes a moment of hesitation before you move your lips as she matches the movement of familiarity that flows into your kiss because you want the taste that only her lips allow, it’s the only taste in the world that you crave. You wrap your hands around her waist drawing her closer to your body. 

You forget how soft her lips are, how those lips are your minds favorite memory to turn to on the nights when you are completely alone. You feel her unbuttoning your shirt as your shaky hands begin to pull at her dress. She directs you to the bedroom, where you have spent every night replaying the memories you have with her inside of your head. But now she is here and you don’t want to live in those memories, you want to live right now with her. You mold your bodies together, intertwining limbs, and holding onto each other. You spend the rest of the night captivated by the curves, lines, indents, scars, skin that make up her. You spend the night familiarizing yourself with the way she feels against you, how smooth her skin is against yours, the smell of her, and the way she makes you feel under her touch. You spend the night listening to your name in gasps and pleas from her mouth with so much love it makes your body ignite with feelings you have forgotten you had.

When exhaustion threatens to overwhelm you, she curls her body against yours, as she traces the outlines of your abs. She whispers to you how much she has missed you, how she thinks about you every day, and how she has never felt safer then in your arms. You kiss her head praying for this moment to last, to be able to fall asleep every night with her body pressed against yours. 

You wake up the next day feeling more contented then you have in a month. You walk into the kitchen to find her reading the paper, wearing your t-shirt, coffee mug in hand, and a lazy smile on her face. She leans up so she can kiss you, smiling against her lips, feeling the good morning bliss of her presence. She tells you she wants to lie in bed and you spend the morning lazily holding each other, discussing life’s quirks. You allow yourself to get engrossed in her touch one more time before you decide to shower.

You shower quickly, getting ready so you can take her to this small restaurant that serves the best breakfasts because you know it’s her favorite meal. But when you enter the kitchen again she is waiting there with her bag, looking at her phone. She looks up in time to see the disappointment on your face but her features don’t change.

The panic sinks in and you allow a shred of your thoughts to escape from your dried out mouth. You tell her how much you miss her, that you love her, and how you wish she’d stay. She smiles sadly at you, and you close your eyes because hers are miles away now. You tell her to tell you how to fall in love the way she wants you to. She tells you that you know she cares about you but she can’t leave him, she tells you that one day it will be different, she promises. She hugs you and you take in a deep breath, the smell of her hair filling your senses one last time, and she kisses your hand before walking out the door as your symphony of pleas play like a song that follow her out. 

You sit at your kitchen table, feeling the pain soak its way back into your heart. The light disappears from your face, you become numb, and you're not sure how long you have been sitting here or how your life really got to this place. You look down seeing the coffee mug she left behind and you take a drink of it. The coffee is cold, you think about how she is like cold coffee, its fresh, welcoming, and soothing at first but eventually all of those fade away, and it becomes unwanted.

You make your way to your bed, your limbs are heavy, and your mind is clouded. You can still smell her on your pillow, flinching at the twisting of your heart as her smell refills your sense again. You lay there trying to remember how to breathe without her, trying to remember how her skin felt against yours, but you can’t remember. You try to listen hoping to hear her laughter but now you don’t think you’ve ever heard a silence quite so loud. She is miles away but all you can think about is how yesterday she was there with you. You replay everything in your head, letting it become a memory, one that will haunt you in the loneliness that she left your behind in. You feel the tears roll down your nose as you curl yourself in a ball trying to protect the organ beneath your ribcage that’s breaking into all of the pieces she left.

You promise yourself that you won’t let this happen again.


	2. Chapter 2

You find her necklace on your bedroom floor and you realize it’s the only evidence you have that she was there. You don’t get waves of missing her like you did before; they’re more like tsunami tides now. You want her there but it’s been months since you’ve heard from her.  You decide to go out with your friends because drinking is the only thing that helps.

You get to the bar where all your friends greet you happily, alcohol already sliding through their veins. You don’t drink like everybody else does, you drink to forget things. You drink to forget the pain, to forget about her, and to forget yourself. You sit at the bar your blood turning into alcohol with every drink. You’re feeling better, you feel numb, and the alcohol is helping the ache become dull. You order another drink when a girl comes up to you smiling.

She tells you that you’re beautiful which makes you laugh because it’s random and you’re drunk. You ask her what she’s drinking and when she tells you, you order her a drink. She asks you why you’re there and you don’t know how to answer her.

You tell her you’re here with friends but she points out that you’re alone because your friends left an hour ago. You shrug because you don’t have an answer, you tell her you’re here to forget, and she cheers to that. She sits with you for a while longer, drinking with you, and discussing random things. You notice how beautiful she is, her jawline becomes prominent when she smiles at you, and you picture your mouth tracing along the edge of it. You realize you crave the contact that she could offer so after a few more drinks you don’t mind asking her if she wants to come back to your place.

She accepts and it doesn’t take long to get to your apartment. You unlock the door and as soon as she walks in your mouth is pressing against hers. She catches up quickly with your urgency, kissing you back with the same fierceness. They aren’t the lips you crave late at night or early in the morning but they’re soft and for now that’s all the matters. You pick her up, pushing her against the door, tracing that jawline with your lips until you get to her neck. The taste of her skin is different then you’re used to, you pull back overwhelmed at how this information affects you because all you wanted was that same familiar taste. You’re still holding her up against the door, she’s looking into your eyes. Her eyes are soft swirls of hazel with light specs of brown. They aren’t the piercing blue you’re used to but they’re still pretty and it gives you the courage to kiss her again.

You bring her into your bedroom never breaking your kiss afraid that if you did again your emotions that you’ve suppressed for so long would appear again. You lay her on the bed, hovering over her, she feels small under you, it isn’t the body you’ve grown so accustomed to feeling underneath you. Your hand wonders along her shoulder, down her arm, making its way slowly down her torso to her thigh. Your breathing has picked up because this body you haven’t memorized and it’s all new territory. She stops your hand but your drunken mind doesn’t register it so you move your hand to the inside of her thigh again. She tells you to take it slow, her voice is dark with desire and she tries to catch her breathing, her voice isn’t the one you’re used to hearing. You’ve never been told to take it slow before so you ask her what the point is. She laughs lightly stroking your face and she says she isn’t a one night stand kind of girl.

You don’t understand so you ask her why she came with you then. Her eyes stare empathetically into yours when she tells you she thought that you shouldn’t be alone even if it’s only for a night. It catches you off guard because you’re so use to being alone that you forget you’re lonely. You stand up angrily because you don’t know how else to respond, you turn to walk out the bedroom door but she grabs your wrist. No one has ever gone after you before so you look back at her, her eyes are pleading like yours have been time after time with someone else. She starts to unbutton your shirt, and you let her because she makes you feel safe, you can’t even remember the last time you’ve felt that way

She undresses you and you stand there while she searches your drawers for clothes then she hands them to you as she takes her dress off. She asks you if she can borrow some clothes and you nod letting her. You watch her take her dress off, her back is covered in freckles, like a million constellations telling stories of adventure, love, and heartbreak. It’s the first time you realize that you’re heartbroken so when she directs you to lay down with her you don’t mind curling into her. It feels nice to feel the warmth of her body radiating on to your own skin. You realize now how cold you’ve been at night without the warmth of someone else. You miss her and that’s why you let yourself cry.

She feels the tears soaking into a spot on her shirt so she pulls you closer wanting to comfort you. She kisses your head as she scratches your back, her hand running all along the plain of your back under your shirt. You mumble apologies but they aren’t for the girl in your bed, they’re for the girl 3,000 miles away. An apology for never being good enough, not being good enough to stay for. Your chest slows down, your tears dry, and your eyelids force you to close your eyes. As you begin to drift off you hear her voice again, she’s telling you that her name is Kelley with an e, and you laugh a little at how she says it, like she is so proud of that lone vowel. You tell her your name and she hums in approval before she tells you to go to sleep because she promises to be here in the morning.

You wake up the next morning to find your bed empty but you can’t say you’re surprised. Promises are always made to be broken. You feel the bitterness inside of you for letting a one night stand go so poorly and to let someone in whom you barely knew. You shake your head to yourself reminding you that you were drunk and her warmth was good enough if only for a night. Your stomach demands food so you walk outside to your kitchen and there she is sitting at your table drinking, her lips pressed against that mug, her mug. You washed that mug out until your hands were raw trying to erase any memories of the lips that touched it.

She looks up at you with these eyes, so hazel but on the edge of brown. They aren’t looking at you with goodbyes like the girl who sat in that place a handful of times before. You ask her what she is doing but all she says is good morning and to sit down. She brings you a cup of tea which is unusual to your usual morning coffee. She sits down across from you and you stare waiting for her to get up and leave but she doesn’t. She laughs to herself as she reads the cartoons in the paper, her laugh is musical and it could easily be your favorite melody if you let it. She breaks your stare when she asks you how you like your tea and you tell her how you’re a coffee drinker. She smiles knowingly at you and says tea is good for the soul because it warms the body in places no human can reach.

You let her words replay in your head finding truth with every sip of the warm liquid. After you finish she tells you to go get ready because she is taking you to breakfast for a proper date. You don’t know how to respond to her so you do as she says. You step into the shower letting the rest of your body relish under the warmth. You don’t know how to let your mind catch up with the recent events that have been playing since last night. You already feel the impact that she is leaving on you and it terrifies you.

The door opens to the bathroom but you don’t open your eyes lost in the warmth of the water and the tea filling the aching holes that she left in her wake. You turn when you feel hands on you, you ask her who she is and she asks you if it matters. You shake your head lightly as you follow the trickling water down her body. Her body is covered in freckles, these beautiful marks that to you tell stories, stories that you realize you want to learn. You tell her you haven’t gone on a first date yet but she just laughs and kisses you. Her lips feel like a promise against yours that you desperately want her to keep.


	3. Chapter 3

You aren’t really sure when you fell in love with her but you remember it was late at night when the burning fires turned to smoldering embers. It was when you started to fit perfectly together as you explored the inches of her that no one else ever knew. It was when she taught your skin how to respond to her touch as she skimmed her hand along your body early in the morning and in the early darkness of night. It was when her lips warmed you in a way that even thawed the coldest corners of your heart. It was when she finally helped you sleep without dreaming of a girl you had now forgotten existed. The girl who occupied every ounce of your thoughts is now the whispers of a myth.

You wake up groggy from spending your night counting her freckles with your lips. You feel the sun kiss your face but the heat isn’t anything compared to the way her lips warm your face. You reach over to stretch but feel the emptiness beside you but it doesn’t hold the same pain as it used to. You know when you get out of bed there won’t be packed bags or goodbyes. You make your way to the kitchen, tripping over clothes, books, shoes, and bags that are not your own. You smile because she had no trouble making herself at home and you don’t mind because she makes you forget what loneliness feels like.

You sit down grabbing the paper that she already tore apart; you know she must’ve just left because you can still smell the tea she makes in the mug you bought her weeks ago. She has her own mug now just like she has your heart. She walks into your apartment like it’s her own holding grocery bags in one hand and a tea in the other. She places it down in front of you and the aroma of the tea brings a smile to your face. You’ve learned to love tea like you’ve learn to love that smile that plays so beautifully on her face. She was right about the tea it was good for your soul and you haven’t had coffee since. Not wanting to be reminded of the feelings that coffee brings you from a time when you were with a girl who never truly loved you. You think about how you haven’t told her you loved her yet, scared of the vulnerability you’ll feel so you continue to wait. She kisses your forehead asking you how you slept and you smile because she knows you sleep the best when you fall asleep with her beside you.

After breakfast you spend your day walking the streets of your city with her. You made it a hobby on Saturday to explore new stores and restaurants in the city you’ve lived in most of your life. She tells you there are too many amazing people, places, and food to introduce yourself to, to continue to try the same places. You love how in love she is with everything. She isn’t afraid of anything because to her life is beautiful and you start to believe that it is too.

After the darkness settles in around you, you follow the sidewalks that lead you back to your place. You observe the people engulfed in their own stories. You realize then as she intertwines her fingers with yours that she is your story now. She’s the words scrolled out on paper that make up your story and as the ink dries you’ve never felt happier. You lay in bed as you strategically place your lips on skin that you’ve memorized by now. You leave goose bumps on her skin in your lips wake. You run your fingertips over them like braille as if they’re stories that you have to read. She asks you what you’re doing and you tell her you’re trying to read her story. She laughs and it has become your favorite sound. You fall asleep once your limbs begin to ache and your breathing begins to slow down.

You wake up disoriented from the noises coming from outside of your bedroom. You look over to her sleeping peacefully next to you. You get out of bed slowly, throwing clothes on quietly trying not to wake her. When you reach the living room you find the noise coming from your door and you don’t know why someone is knocking on it so early in the morning. When you open the door, you forget how to breathe; your senses become jumbled as you stare into those blue eyes. Those blue eyes don’t hold the same confident composure they once did six months ago. She speaks but you feel like you’ve been put on mute, you see those same familiar lips moving but nothing comes out. Then she says your name and it’s like your senses hit overdrive, her perfume that left your pillow months ago now fills your nostrils, your eyes trace the contours of her face, those eyes are bluer then you remember, and her voice sounds sad but it still holds the same beautiful harmony that you had forgotten months ago.

You ask her what she is doing here and she smiles widely back at you like it should be obvious why she’s here. That smile slowly dusts away feelings you have put in the deepest cracks of your heart. Now they’re at war with feelings you have for a girl who picked up all of the pieces when she left you. You sit down unable to stand on your legs that threaten to give way. She sits down across from you reaching for your hands and you let her hold them because the electrifying feeling you get is what you use to crave. You use to be addicted to her touch and you feel yourself begin to relapse into the same cravings you had for her before.

She tells you how much she missed you, and how sorry she was for never calling, and that she was just trying to fix herself before she could come back. She says she loves you, that she left him after all this time because you are the only one that’s made a home in her heart. You think about the girl who has taken home to your heart but now you feel like it is big enough for two. You sit there because you don’t know what to do and that’s when she runs her fingers up your cheek tucking your hair behind your ear and kisses you. She kisses you because she knows it’s the only way to quiet the thoughts storming in your mind. Those old feelings filling in the cracks that she created months ago. These are the lips you longed for but now they don’t seem familiar to the soft ones that comforted you for the past couple of months.

That’s when you hear the door open to your bedroom and she saunters out into the living room stopping when she notices the girl sitting across from you and how her lips just left yours. She whispers the girls name questioningly and she receives her answer when the girl holding your face turns to her. They both look at each other wondering if the other is actually real and you feel the panic start to burn in your throat. You stand up walking to the girl who has been occupying your bed and you ask her if you can talk in the other room. The girl sitting on the couch says that she is going to go out for a little and will be back soon.

You shut the door to the bedroom, barely catching your own breath before her lips capture your own. Her hands are firmly against your face grounding you for the first time since you saw those blue eyes so you grab hers because her lips are urgent. You feel tears on her face but she shakes her head telling you to just give her this. And you do because you love her, and it scares you to see her eyes filled with sadness you once saw in your own. You let her undress you, and you get lost in each other under the sheets of a place you’ve finally made your home. Afterwards you just lie together; body’s molded into one, as your staggered breathing becomes in sync. Your eyes become heavy as she strokes your hair and you keep time of the heart beat under you and you swear you hear it breaking but all you can do is hold her closer. You hold her close like you’re the only thing keeping you together and she allows it because she feels the same way.

When you wake up, you’re alone in your bed, and when you stand you don’t trip over clothes, books, shoes, and bags that are not your own because nothing is on your floor now. When you walk into the kitchen, she is sitting there with her mug that has a K on it that you bought her. You can smell the tea which calms you until her eyes meet yours. You shake your head running your hands through your hair because you never thought this would happen. She tells you to sit down but you can’t move because this scene is all too familiar by now. You ask her not to leave but the light has left her face now and you know her answer, another love has gone to waste.

You whisper please as she stands up, her bags at her feet. She walks over to you kissing your cheek but says she can’t stay. She tells you how she fell in love with your eyes even when she hadn’t known them yet. She presses her hand against your heart and tells you that your heart was never meant for her to have and that’s when those words start threatening to escape your mouth. You know that if you just tell her that she will stay, but you’re throats closed up and you’re choking back the words now. She tells you to close your eyes before she kisses your lips softly and then she’s gone. You feel her presence vanish like the warmth of your home to the bitter coldness outside in the winter.

You open your eyes but she isn’t there anymore, you look down seeing her mug she left behind and you take a drink of it. The tea is warm, you think about how she loves tea because tea is good for the soul, it warms the body in places no human can reach. You squeeze your eyes tightly closed drinking the tea she left behind praying that the pain you feel is your imagination. You sit there, praying that she will turn around, any progress that you’ve made disappearing as the organ inside of you begins to beat faster and faster trying to work. You heart trying to fix the overwhelming ache that she has left you with. You keep drinking the tea desperately wanting to feel the warmth but the coldness has settled inside of your body.

You lose track of time, your memories muddling together, loneliness has finally settled in over you. You didn’t think you would ever feel this way but she never promised to stay, you feel like you should’ve known better. That’s when you hear the door knob turn and for a second you allow yourself hope but that’s when the girl with blue eyes walk in.

She hands you a coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks. It’s been exactly two weeks since you closed your eyes and she disappeared. Now you stand on your balcony looking over the landscape that doesn’t feel like your own anymore. It’s painted with grief of your history etched out at your feet as you think about her walking the streets without you. You stand here letting the cold air hit your face wondering why you have everything you ever wanted but it doesn’t feel like enough. That’s when you feel her arms wrap around you and the kiss against your shoulder as she mumbles a good morning into your neck. You think to yourself that her touch is the only warmth you feel these days and it may not be the same but it is enough. She tells you she is going to make some coffee and leaves you alone. She doesn’t know the war that was placed on your heart and that she won only by the opponents surrender. Now you feel like you’re the only casualty.

She makes you coffee bringing it to the balcony where you guys spend your mornings. You take a sip hoping it will help the ache that the morning brings but it holds no warmth anymore. You think about how a couple nights ago she asked you to move back to the West Coast with her. You were out with your friends when she made the proposition and it wasn’t the whiskey in her glass’ idea, it was her own. You didn’t know how to respond so you just smiled and said you’d have to think about it. She gave you a kiss and told you to take your time because you still have a couple of days to think about it.  You push the thought out of your head just wanting to try and enjoy the simplicity of your morning. You want to get back to how easily she captivated you or how you longed for her touch even when she is inches from you. You want her eyes to still mesmerize you in her own trance. You swallow the questions in your throat about her return because she came back and it should count for something. You spend the rest of the day doing simple things together like grocery shopping and going to the restaurant for lunch that you brought her to before. She didn’t want to try a new place because she liked this one and doesn’t want to risk trying a place she may not like. You can’t help compare her to the adventure soul that no longer takes up a place in your life.

You spend the night making dinner together and you even joke around throwing scraps of food at each other. She laughs and for a moment it eases your pain and you kiss her because she is here and even though she left she came back. That night when you’re tangled in your sheets and her hand caresses your skin you notice the flames that once molded you together are no longer there. Your burns don’t heal like before and you know why that’s changed. You kiss her skin knowing the stories that it tells because you’ve read them hundreds of times before. You think about the untold stories on the other girl’s skin thinking about who gets to read them. Your stomach squeezes at the thought of another girl getting to trace those freckles that kept you up late at night. You think about the girl who gets to finish the stories that are splattered on her skin. You let the girl with you now take control because your mind is somewhere walking along the streets or in a bar with friends. You want to laugh because for a moment you pretend that she is there with you. That her lips are the ones holding your own but your laugh becomes strangled and turns into a low moan. You think it’s from her hands but you feel the pain behind it. You become angry and you’re not sure at who but you take it out on her because she’s here. You’re frantic in your movements but your rhythm is what she needs and when she finally says your name it doesn’t soothe you like it did before.

She curls into you but her body doesn’t mold quite right and you don’t hold her anymore. Your breathing evens out after you put all of your anger and energy into her. The house is cold with no heating and you feel no warmth even with her there. Your mind wonders back to the girl who started making you enjoy life, the girl who mended your heart in ways you never thought possible, the girl you love who isn’t there anymore. You think about how you can’t rely on your heart to beat because she took parts of it every evening. You think about how she had taken the words out of your mouth just from breathing and now they are replaced with phrases of her leaving. You know it’s your fault but you thought she would be the one person to stay. You feel the tears stream down your face and the familiar hand wipe them away. She asks you if you’ll ever love her like you used to but you don’t answer her you just kiss her because you need, you want to feel for her again, she deserves that much.

You wake up to the feeling of her finger tips on your collar bone and when you open your eyes the waves of blue are staring back. You both know that she leaves tomorrow and you didn’t give her your decision. She kisses you softly trying to remind you of why you loved her in the first place. You smile because this is the longest you have been together in years and maybe she can make you happy again, maybe you just need time. She stands up and you watch her in awe because she is still captivating the way her muscles tense in her back and the way her hair falls so perfectly. She is beautiful. She finally gets back into bed holding an envelope and she hands it back to you. When you open it, it is a one way plane ticket in your name. She doesn’t say anything she just lays down beside you wrapping her arms around you like she’s terrified you’ll float away.

She reacquaints herself with your body again, liking the distraction from your mind racing with thoughts of leaving with her. You wanted this to happen for years and it finally is but you can’t help the doubt that is weighing in your mind. After limbs are sore and muscles burn you both go out to the kitchen to fuel your aching bodies. She grabs the coffee pot pouring you some and handing you the mug. That’s when you realize what mug it is, the K stands out more than anything else. You take a sip wanting to feel that warmth that this mug once brought you but instead it’s cold coffee. Something breaks inside of you then like a tree breaking from the beating wind. You stand up abruptly wanting distance from the bitter taste the coffee brought you. All of the memories come rushing back to you like the day she left you to go back to him, the pain you felt for months, the girl you met in the bar that night and how she made everything better, the mornings and nights following when she fixed your broken heart, when she made you love life again. The realization finally settling in felt so overwhelming that you did everything not to cry.

Her raspy voice broke your epiphany and when you looked at her, those blue eyes were filled with concern. You tell her that you never meant to get in this deep, you never meant for this to mean something. You tell her how you got caught up by the chase. She tries to argue but it all seems so clear now. You tell her how you wish you could go back to when she only held you in your mind. You wish you could go back to when she was just out of reach, begging for her slightest touch. You tell her that she was never supposed to give in to you that the chase for her was only ever supposed to be a game. You tell her how badly she hurt you every time she came, you finally tell her about all the nights you longed for her, you tell her how she consumed your thoughts, you tell her when it stopped being a game for you and how badly it hurt when you figured out it was still one for her. She tries to calm you down but it’s too late, all of the feelings you had come pouring out like a volcano that’s waited years to erupt. You tell her how you finally met someone who didn’t break promises and how you regret letting her go.

She’s crying by the time you’re finished and you feel awful. You know that you should’ve ended things a long time ago when you realized you had feelings for someone who was already taken. You knew that this was never meant to work that’s why you chased her because you never thought you’d catch her. She stands up moving towards you wrapping her arms around you frantically but you tell her you realize that you were holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. That you realize that the person you once missed doesn’t exist anymore. You tell her how sorry you are but that this is for the best because she’s like the weather, you can’t hold her together. She cries harder telling you that you’re the only one for her. You kiss her cheek telling her that you know god made another one of you that will love her better than you ever will. You look up at the calendar placed in your kitchen before you leave because you were meant for someone else and its time you start chasing her.

You walk into the small café that had been marked on your calendar. She used to mark places on the calendar for you guys to try every weekend and you hoped she would be there. You walk in and order a drink but you don’t see her in there. You let the warmth of the scolding drink against your hands calm your nerves. You wait patiently until your hope begins to fade and that’s when you notice a girl sitting in the back corner of the café. You recognize those freckles on her forehead from across the café. You stand up walking slowly to the table, afraid of her answer but your feet gravitate towards her until you’re finally in front of her.

She looks up and you see the shocked expression on her face, she goes to speak but you place the drink in front of her. You tell her that you once heard that tea is good for the soul because it warms the body in places no human can reach. She doesn’t say anything she just looks at you with questioning eyes but they’re soft and it gives you the courage to go on. You tell her how letting her leave was the biggest mistake because she is the one who finally made you happy. You tell her how you miss waking up to feeling her warmth against your skin. You tell her that you miss how her laugh lifted your soul in ways nothing else ever did. You tell her how you miss exploring the city and counting her freckles. You tell her how she made you believe in life when you never thought you could. You tell her how your story is still unfinished and that this is the only ending you’ve ever wanted to know. You tell her she warmed your body in places that you never thought a human could reach. You finally tell her you love her. She laughs then with tears filling those delicate eyes as she stands up throwing her arms around you. She kissed you, her lips instantly sending a fire throughout your entire body, warmth so powerful it could heat an entire city.

When you finally break she whispers in your ear that it took you long enough.

And you whisper in hers that it just took you time to realize that she is your tea.


End file.
